It is 10:46 PM. Both my "babies" are tucked snugly in their beds, while the wind howls outside. And all is right with my world..if only for now, if only for this moment. It does not matter that this feeling and contentment is temporary; what matters is that I've had the fortune to live it.
In an hour or so, Baby Girl will howl; needing my care. But for now.. I tip-toe into Strapping Young Lad's room. Though I try to be stealthy, I stumble on a toy that has not been put away. Still, he sleeps. I come up to him and nuzzle his neck and inhale the sweet, fresh clean of his today's-bathed-precious-flesh. He smells of the baby lotion that I still slather him with after his bath.. And yet, as I gaze upon him and his innocence, I see the man that he is to be. He is my little wee boy, at 4 and 1/2 years; yet I see the man that he is becoming (and longs) to be.
I first came to the personal understanding of his "man-heart", when he cried his heart out, at age 2, when his Uncle Joe and Daddy left our house together for a day's errand; he wanted to run with the men...I finally saw for myself how his little heart needs to be nurtured and allowed the freedom to strive after the man he will become. "Mommy" must let him go, and encourage him, so can he grow to be the man he was meant to be.
And so, as any other mother, anywhere, at anytime, I celebrate his journey into manhood. At the same time, I reconcile and mourn the loss of my baby boy.
Ah, he's so beautiful. And I thank God for the gift of being the one to raise him. May I suggest to any mamma out there, to read " Wild At Heart" by John Eldridge. It gave me so much insight into the man-heart of my baby-boy. You see, as his Mamma, this is really not about me...it's about launching my little fellow into the big world, capable and armed to be a Man. Without his Mamma. It's the way it's supposed to be. And I accept that. I'll always be his Mamma, but he'll pave his own way. I know this. And I pray for him accordingly.
And thank-you-God that our lives our entwined during this precious time of his-growing-up. And the Beauty in my life is so sharp and vivid that it hurts; thank you, God.